Among the aroma of fruit cake, hot cider, and sub-zero temperatures Santa Claus announced today that his North Pole Workshop would switch to using agile practices in toy production. Santa sighted a number of reasons for the change, among them:
- Increasing need to be first to market against growing competition.
- Better collaboration between kids’ toy lists and toy developers.
- Reducing the risk that kids don’t get what they want.
- Increasing quality and accountability in toy development and delivery.
According to Santa, “We’ve analyzed this decision for some time and it became clear that change was needed after re-reading little Timmy Todsnockerdellturtlefoof’s complaint letter from last year. Instead of receiving a bicycle, as stipulated in his toy list; he got two fake icicles.”
The well publicized failure last year to meet the requirements of Timmy’s wish list was not the first time Santa’s North Pole Workshop hadn’t delivered, but in this day of social media and instant updates; the story took on a vicious viral characteristic….hitting #1 in the tweetosphere for a full month with the hash tag: #TimmyTodsnockerdellturtlefoofGotIcedBySanta.
When asked what type of agile practice the workshop would be adopting, Santa replied: “Scrum. It’s well known, proven, and being used in some isolated corners of our workshop today.” Some muted ‘boos’ could be heard from the audience.
Santa went on to say that Rudolph The Red Nosed Raindeer would head up the agile transformation of the North Pole Workshop in conjunction with an outside agile consulting firm to be named later. That development confirmed for some that Rudolph was next in line to take over The North Pole. Rudolph was on hand to comment to reporters after the announcement:
“We’re looking at one of the big 5 consulting firms, but we haven’t ruled out the smaller players. Look, what’s important here is that we get to done. I have a nose for this kind of thing. I’m not a dreamer..I’ve been a servant leader for a long time…I realize this transformation isn’t going to happen overnight, there will be pain and there’s a lot of existing process and procedure that will have to….well, frankly….go away. But, one step at a time. I expect we’ll have a more detailed plan in May or April. Talk to me then.”
Reactions among the North Pole elves was varied. One older elf man pointed out that Santa had to be dragged “kicking and screaming to the decision. He wasn’t on board at all. Rudolph, Frosty, Mrs Claus and the Yeti really had to sell him on it. When they broke out Timmy’s letter to remind Santa of the increasing defect rates in his shop….he went ballistic. I mean he really lost his cookies. Then the Yeti put his foot down. I think Santa knew what that meant.”
Others, like a younger elf woman, had a different opinion on the switch to agile: “I’m fine with the whole agile thing, but I guess I don’t understand why they chose Scrum? I mean….from what I read XP is way better and more applicable to our environment. I really don’t think the elves, particularly the older ones, will like daily stand-ups. I mean most of them can barely wake up every day….let alone stand up.”
Still another view was held by Donner, “What about Kanban? No one’s talking about Kanban, but in the reindeer house we use it all the time to limit HIP ( hooves in process). I bet Rudolph moves us there. I think there’s going to be a power play here between Santa and Rudolph. It’s a battle that’s been brewing for centuries.”
“Give me a break. Agile? Really, let’s knock off the buzz and hype. So we goof up on a few thousand toys out of the billions we make a year. How’s agile gonna solve that? I don’t get it. I guess I’ll ride it out and see where this goes. But limiting HIP in the reindeer house has done nothing but give some of us more time on our hands. I don’t think that’s what Santa wants.” said Blitzen.
Frosty, while at the announcement, declined to make any official comment but did say that he favored a balanced, pragmatic approach, one that would focus on the workshop’s needs rather than a dogmatic approach.
Mrs. Claus had this to say: “Rudolph is very bright. I know he’ll make this work. He knows where he’s going.”
Strangely, the Yeti, was not present. But his footprint could be found in the comments that others made.
Outsiders also came to hear the announcement. The Easter Bunny had this to say: “I understand what Santa’s doing and to be perfectly frank he’s in a different position from us in Easter Hollow. He’s facing some real time to market issues and competition with Mom & Dad, Grandpa & Grandma, and others. His competitors have real advantages in local sourcing, customer relationship management, and technology. Santa just hasn’t kept up and now it’s time for a radical change. I don’t think anything he’s doing is going to change our approach. We pride ourselves on stability of delivery and with a 98.2% market share on Easter…we’re just not facing the same issues.”
The Easter Goose has the other 1.8% of the Easter market.
Merry Christmas agile community. Enjoy your holidays, stay safe, and as always….take care. 😉
Another great post. Although I find it funny coming from the same person who wrote a post complaining that people are Agilizing everything…
Thanks. Actually, I think it, humorously, makes the point of agilizing everything.